Every day I wake up a little bit older. As I advance into middle age I check the mirror just a little more and see the crow's feet starting to form as I apply more cream and think if it is really going to work. Yes it's my fortieth birthday and I am feeling a bit old.

As I make my way down the stairs I am a bit stiff and wonder if leg arthritis is starting to set it. Great I think to myself, this is the age where all the major things in life are going to be shutting down in my body. I'm not close to retiring but I sure am not twenty five any more.

I go through my usual day of getting the kids off to school and then drive down the road to work in a slight drizzle. Great, as I think to myself, a perfect addition to my mood; rain. As I get to my office I think what a great day it is to walk in the rain from my parking spot to the building and why I bothered even doing my hair.

To top it off there is a bouquet of black balloons from my well meaning co-workers. I try to laugh as I slump in my desk and really being a pity party over my declining state of being, knowing it is all down hill from here until death.

After lunch my phone rings and I look at the caller ID to see it is my best friend Lisa, who two years younger than me, is most likely going to in a loving way tease me about my age. But as I answer her call I sense something disturbing in her voice. She wishes me a happy birthday and that she is fine. But knowing her all too well I get her to tell me what is wrong.

She apologizes profusely and says she does not want to tell me this on my birthday. But then the tears start and she tells me she just got the news that she has breast cancer. As my heart sinks in my stomach I cry with her. I try to reassure her that everything is going to be okay and I will be there for her. I wish I could hug her through the phone and think to myself how I could be so selfish.

As I drive home I think to myself how fortunate I am. I have my health I don't have to make up a disease. My kids are all healthy. I have a good job and roof over my head. There are so many people who have so much less than I do and they have joy. As I scold myself for being so innately stupid in my way of thinking I pull into the driveway where my husband and kids have made a special dinner for me and as I enter the door I no longer think about the crow's feet but how blessed I truly am.

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How many times have we all been tempted to rip out the pictures of ultrathin models from fashion magazine? Yet more than half the women in America wear plus-size clothes size 14 or larger. Still, it took a family crisis for us to realize how to love the bodies we were born with.

Now this whole 'thin is in' thing is officially 'out' for our family. We don't mean we're giving up healthy habits. We've learned how to accept our large physiques for their unique beauty. It simply took a major family upset for us all to learn this lesson.

It all started when our cousin and her sweetheart decided to get married. Since we live close to one another, she asked almost everyone to be in her wedding party (and we're big in numbers as well as in body size). This joyous prospect started to sour, though, when our cousin became a bridezilla over the issue of how to lose fat to get ready for the wedding.

Our fights over diet and exercise were reaching nuclear proportions when the bride-to-be's mother had her fill of it. She came up with a plan to save both the wedding and repair our family ties.

One of Auntie's friends sells bridal dresses and evening gowns in town. She told our aunt that the question of body size often comes when choosing bridal gowns. Instead of trying to argue anymore, though, Auntie's friend loaned her a couple of catalogs that she uses to order dresses for her shop. These catalogs were full of beautiful, full-color photos that showed how a plus size wedding dress could fit well and look stunning at the same time.

Now Auntie is cunning. She knew we wouldn't voluntarily come to another family gathering about wedding dresses, so instead she invited us over to try on party jewelry. While we were going ga-ga over all the sparklies, Auntie pulled out the catalogs and her measuring tape. We knew from the look in her eye that none of us was leaving until we'd solved this wedding dress issue.

Before long, the bride-to-be and her now-reconciled bridesmaids were squealing with delightover the pictures of gorgeous dresses. We got so excited that our aunt had to get out her measuring tape so we could measure each other for one of those fabulous dresses.

Our cousin was a romantic vision on her wedding day in a fabulous gown that fit perfectly. And the rest of us, her bridesmaids, were just as beautiful, because we chose fashions that suited who we are.

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Wendy was the mother of three children.  Wendy had been feeling quite tense lately and started to "medicate" herself by having four or five martinis every evening after she put her children to bed.  After just about five months of this drinking routine, she finally realized that rather than helping her ”chill out" and cope with her difficulties, drinking made her feel less restful when she got up in the morning.  This, in turn, made her feel increasingly more tense throughout the day.

After thinking about her situation for several days, Wendy decided to "open up" about her drinking problem with her best friend. In fact, roughly five minutes into their discussion, Wendy’s friend, Brooke, told her that she knew about an extremely helpful and skillful physician at the local alcohol and drug rehabilitation facility.  After talking to her friend, Wendy immediately got motivated to call the rehab facility and schedule an appointment.

Eleven days later she finally got to meet the psychiatrist her best friend had been talking about.  After their short-and-to-the-point introduction, Wendy told the psychiatrist that ever since her ex-husband and she got divorced, she has been having a difficult time emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

At times, she felt that she was totally over the divorce.  Recently, conversely, she has been feeling quite depressed about the fact that her former husband and she couldn't stay married and “make it”.  When asked by the psychiatrist how long her ex-husband and she dated before they got married, Wendy told the doctor that Robert, her former husband, and she dated for three-and-a-half years and then lived together for a year before they got married.

As Wendy was talking to the physician, she emphasized the point that she really believed that her ex-husband and she waited long enough to know one another well enough before they got married.  After the kids started to arrive, however, their lives seemed to go downhill.  To make matters worse, both she and Robert began to drink, and their careless drinking adversely affected their relationship, their love for one another, and their finances.

When things became less than pleasant between them, Robert got a lawyer and filed for a divorce.  Although things were obviously not going well and although she was routinely depressed, Wendy told the doctor that she did not want to put an end to their marriage.  Once she was served the divorce papers, however, she knew that their relationship was over.

The psychiatrist explained to Wendy that the anxiety, stress, and tension that she has been experiencing concerning her hazardous and excessive drinking are some of the better known alcohol abuse effects and that the best solution for this situation is treatment for one's alcohol abuse.  In fact, getting alcohol abuse treatment is essential because long-term drinking can get the drinker into even more severe alcohol and alcoholism difficulties.

After a number of counseling sessions with her physician, Wendy was gradually able to realize that the real cause of her stress and her depression was that she had not worked through her nasty feelings she has for her ex-husband who had divorced her two-and-a-half years ago.  With these insights and with the meds her doctor prescribed, she eventually stopped drinking, she started to feel considerably less depressed, and she began making more time for social activities with her friends and family.  A few months after receiving counseling from her physician, she even began to date once again.

It was clear that Wendy had come a long way.  Indeed, just about seven months after she terminated her counseling, Wendy had finally laid the harmful thoughts of Robert, her former husband, to rest and was starting to feel more complete and more spiritually "sound" and psychologically “together” than she had ever felt in her life.

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